Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Broken Hearts

We all have had our hearts broken at some point in our life time be it from a breakup or a divorce. There are only a few people in this world who have escaped this and so it is a normal phase that we go through... having our hearts broken is part of growing up… part of changing and developing. When it is happening to us we feel like our aching hearts will literally break. It physically hurts and we might cry ourselves to sleep. Who would want to go through that over and over again? Why do we do it? Why do we fall back in love as easily as we fell out of it?

Breaking up is a very painful experience but we do not even try to protect ourselves by distancing ourselves from others and building a wall that no one can penetrate. On the contrary, the power of love keeps pulling us back in… the joy and happiness that we get from falling in love with that special person reels us in time and time again… we are social creatures after all and it would be difficult for us to live a life of a hermit.

There are so many ways to heal ourselves after a break up or a divorce and get ourselves ready for the next wave of love to wash over us. However, if we do not work on how we faced our current agonizing experience or will face the next breakup or love adventure, we will continue making the same mistakes over and over again. And even though it may take weeks, months or even years to get over a bad break-up or divorce, we should persevere and have faith that the pain will get less intense with time.

The first step we need to take to empower ourselves is to stop talking rubbish to “ourselves” and change the way we think of what happened. We should believe that it takes two to tango and that it was not our fault alone that led to that break up or divorce. We should pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and continue looking forward. We need to stop ourselves from saying negative comments about what happened and who it happened with… that would only spread negativity and stop us from healing…. We should write those down and notice a pattern in the way we think… what makes us think negative thoughts?…what triggered that feeling?… and maybe try different ways to stop them from seeping into our everyday life.

The second step is to think of thoughts that would ease our pain… positive thoughts, thoughts that would encourage us to move forward… we should start dreaming again. We can write everything down to make it real…. Or talk to a trusted family member or friend. We need to get those ‘feel better’ points out in the open or on paper. This will help us understand what makes us spark back up and maybe think of them more often.

We can also keep busy... make plans to go out and have fun more often, take a trip with friends or alone ... spend some alone time to reinvent or rediscover ourselves... it is good to be single for a while before delving into another relationship because we can then understand ourselves more, check what we like or do not like.

We need to believe that this is a phase and that soon the pain will ease and we will find that special someone who would appreciate and love us the way we are. We need to believe that we are worthy and unique. And if we did not find someone, we need to believe that we are special, strong and are capable of living a fulfilling and independent life.

We should trust and believe in ourselves.... We can overcome this! 

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