I have miniature ‘beings’ living in my emotional system seeking shelter and sustenance. In the 43 years that I have of my life, I still cannot seem to be able to get rid of them.
Little Anger specs float freely around in my bloodstream causing a blockage in my arteries from time to time. I am angry at the world for not being able to live together, find good solutions and have one rule of law for everyone… to “be human and exercise humanity”. I am angry at the world for not stopping its orbit to realize that we are all the same underneath the same blue sky. Little Anger will never go away, I suspect. I doubt this world will ever reach the level of humanity that I am hoping for in my life, and that makes me angry… disappointed… envious of the next generation. I wanted to witness that era myself… I wanted to taste it… to feel it… to know what it would be like living in such a world where everyone was happy … everyone loved one another… everyone accepted all the differences and extended a helping hand.
Little Anger is not only directed towards the world but also at myself. I am angry with myself for allowing others to get under my skin and for me to take that as an excuse to complain. I should not complain even if I disagree with something and when the majority of the voices are not heard. I should not complain if something displeases me for I have the power to change it. I should not complain for not receiving everything I had asked for... For I have a good life and I have been blessed many times over.
I have so many different types of these negative energy specs that crawl to the surface of anything releasing their toxins freely.
I have one that crawls through the nervous system and creates havoc in my brain turning it to panic mode. It’s called Little Worries. I worry all the time about whether people like me… or whether I have done a good job…. Or done/doing enough… Or whether I have done something to upset people… or whether I am doing the right thing. I worry that there are many skills that I lack and then worry some more if I did not succeed trying them. I worry that I may fail in being a good mother, wife, daughter, teacher, friend and person. I worry that I will fail in… no….wait… I worry that I will FAIL. FULL STOP!
It is time that I start practicing to let go of all these Little Angers and Worries. I say ‘practicing’ because I might need several trials before I succeed. I know that it is for me to decide if I failed or not but it will also depend on how long I can go for without either kind of spec sneaking in.
I have read so many articles on how to improve one’s mindset. They explain in detail how to change thoughts metamorphosing them into something positive. Have I tried implementing the strategies or steps they suggested? Yup… sure thing… BUT it did not last long before the Littles invaded my space again… What can I say? They always miss me.
I believe it takes courage, determination and above all will to make a successful breakaway and establish total decontamination. Do I want to change a few things? Yes… Do I want to lead a healthier life in all its aspects? Defo…
Now, do I have the stamina to stick to it and not allow the stress flies to swarm me? Ahhh... That is a different story all together… You see… I have another spec that many times makes an appearance on stage… drum roll… please welcome… Little Ms. Lazy!