I woke up this morning feeling refreshed but with a pinch of trepidation. I woke up with a feeling that I was going to be offered a drink concocted with the juice of release mixed with a splash of awe and a hint of anxiety. By the end of the day, my intuition was either manifested or just proved to be correct.
A few hours before sunset, my son, went on his first solo adventure of the Fall season.We have had some inconsistent weather lately and one could never accurately predict if we were to have a storm within the hour or not. Despite the lake fully back to its self again, it was quite chilly and windy most of the time. Furthermore, the lake was yet to be fully re-inhabited again. It was not the time of year yet for the lake to wake up from its slumber. The bells of joyful laughter and busyness have not yet rung and the jetting boats were not in motion. It was totally quiet, serene and breathtaking... soul cleansing, aura scrubbing... and simply healing.
Remembering ALL of this, launched my emotions to full Mamamode. "Take a life jacket.... and a flash light.... and some food... some water!" My anxiety hit the roof and I was desperately trying hard to keep it under control. The poor boy kept running up and down the steps until he drew the line on the raincoat. There was no way I could persuade him to go back and get it. He kept pointing at the sky saying that it was a clear day and in my head I wanted to yell "Have you seen the weather two days ago? It was S N O W I N G!!!!" (The last bit being said in slow motion).
I pleaded for him to stay close and somewhere I could see him or at least behind the closest island for me to get to him quickly. I was unable to win that battle.
After he pointed out that time was running out and that he was anxiously waiting for the weather to be this beautiful for him to get out, I relented. I relented on one condition, he had to wait for me to pray and surround him and his sister, cleaning her riding boots close by, with Reiki Healing.
The moment I realized that it was finally time for me to be real, face the inevitable and release control was the moment he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. For a split second I felt myself in a Harry Potter Movie where the magic all began. It was as if I was teleported through my son's 16 years, 5 months and 26 days with a flick of two magic wands. The intense feeling of motherhood rose up through me like a storm. Intense clouds of love embraced me. I cherished this soul and he will always be a part of me. But I knew too that I could not keep him with me forever. I could not protect him from all the unpredictables out there.
When he released me, told me that he will be ok, that he will come back before sunset and that he loved me, I realized that the ticking clock to LG hour is slowly but most definitely approaching; the hour of Letting Go!
That mixed drink sure tasted bitter sweet. I was not quite sure how to process the flavor. I was not sure if I enjoyed it or not. It was a flavor that I will have to acquire with patience and lots of love. However, I came to that awakening with a sense of understanding that letting go did not mean that the adventures were over but that things will be different and never ever boring.
ps. And by the way, a mother's warning always has some truth to it... It was so windy that he had to paddle backwards a very very long way. He was a gentleman and texted me a few times to let me know what was happening and were he was. His last massage before he came into view was, "Guess who's back?"
