21 Days... Acceptance

My children and husband decided to wake up several times last night waking me up to join the fun.  And I am exhausted.... but this did not stop me from thinking about my feelings. It was a good chance to reflect on them. 

For a long time I have struggled with the fact that I am exhausted almost everyday. I feel resentful that I have more responsibilities around the house than anyone else living in it. I wake up with a list of jobs; a checklist of things to do over and above the routine of everyday tasks that any mother ought to do.... Is this resentment and the exhaustion that accompanies it symptoms of a working mother? Or do ALL mothers feel this way sometimes?

This resentment that I am talking about follows me around like a dark shadow waiting for the noon sun to become one with me. It never leaves my side clutching my leg like an insecurely attached baby.

... and I wonder... why do I keep hanging on to this resentment? It is like I am mentally fighting my responsibilities...thinking that someday soon they will change... or maybe the number will decrease...or maybe even my Fairy Godmother will come and with a swish of her wand get them all done... or maybe even wishing the other inhabitants of the house take more on... I keep thinking that maybe tomorrow it will be different and I will wake up all refreshed with no items on my worry plate. That my children will either sleep through the night or wake up later than the 5:30-6:00 in the morning as they do on weekends. 

Yes, I have a lot of responsibilities (as all working and non working mothers do) and yes, maybe sometimes I am not appreciated by the little ones running around or the big one sitting by my side.... and maybe their appreciation will surface once I am old and grey and my value will by then be recognized.... but why do I feel this resentment knowing full well that I am the one who decided to forever change the course of my life the minute I said I do and when we decided to become 3 and then 4? It has been 13 years of the former and 8 of the latter. 

Deciding to share my living and personal space with a grown man and two little people should have triggered a switch in that silly mentality that believes that I can maintain the "me" factor. I read those articles that say, that a mother should continue doing what she loves and keep some time for herself, that a married couple with children should go out on dates... ok... When? and would I trust a baby sitter to make my kids laugh or read to them before they go to bed? My heart and mind would be at home the minute I step out of its doors. 

Since I am doing a 21 Day of cleansing, I have decided to look at this whole waking up in the middle of the night, exhaustion and the continuous pouring of responsibilities in a positive way....  I must ACCEPT that this will not change any time soon. To accept that things will not change means that I should let go of all the frustration and resentment that fester, freeing myself from the negativity that comes with it.... Basically, I need to just go with the flow! and maybe sometimes just let things go... not everything should be neat and tidy... not everything should be put away every single day... when we have guests then maybe I will fret.

Reflection:

This was the first day that I actually took the time to look at why I feel so negative about my kazillion responsibilities and why I struggle with the load... stressing and getting anxious whenever my husband or children ask me to do one more thing for them.  I panic that I might not have the time or that I may forget.... I need to accept that I am NOT a supermom... 

I just need to accept that I am the one whom they trust to get the job done and that I should take it as a compliment knowing that when the day is over and all my responsibilities for the day have been accomplished, that I did the best I could and have another chance to do them again tomorrow... maybe even a little better.

My friend shared this on Facebook with me.... it is a brilliant video and one that backs up my decision.

21 Days... 2 in 1

When life takes your hands and guides you through a maze of papers, towers of jobs and a never ending list, you just have to keep working through the pile one paper at a time. And this was what has been going on the past two days. The list of jobs that I needed to tackle kept on coming my way and every time I thought I had finished and about to raise my hands up in triumph, I received another task. It reminded me of a cartoon I once saw of a man sitting behind a desk but all you see was the piles of white paper and a teeny bit of his bald head; I am not bald yet but you get the picture. 

In all honesty though, I welcomed the distraction. I had to veer away from the negative thoughts that were creeping through the little cracks in my mind of the impending meetings with parents.  

Having said that, yesterday and today have been good days. We had student involved conferences where the students come with their parents and we discuss their progress and some goals they need to work on. Being used to how it was in my previous school in Thailand, I dressed up in my professional clothes and faced the day. I received so many compliments and not because I am usually scruffy looking but because I was wearing a skirt and high heels on both days... so that was a moral boost... woohoo!

Another positive was that I connected with the parents and my students and it gave me the energy to face one helicopter parent whom I dreaded. I encourage my students to be independent learners and try desperately to teach them to move away from their learned helplessness. However, this parent still wants to keep a hold of her child... my analogy for this situation is that she is breaking his legs instead of offering him ways to improve his walking. Anyway, I decided, with the warm positive energy that I received from other parents, to compliment her on a job well done knowing that her traveling husband is not at home all the time. I thought... well I will try and make her feel good about her efforts even though she is very critical of the support her son is receiving and looks at our work and the decisions we make with a human sized microscope.

So spreading positivity, even though it is sometimes forced, made me feel better and would in turn encourage me to do it more often. it is a cycle after all... what goes around, comes around.

Furthermore, I also made it a point once my cleansing journey began, to hug and kiss my children more often than I had before. If my goal was to reflect on my day and think of a positive thought, hugging them and feeling their little bodies curl into my embrace made the task all the more easy. It gave me a good positive kick to stimulate my mind to work harder at finding the positives.

Reflection:

It was not a bad few days and I checked off all the tasks on my list. Recharging with positive energy from others sure helped me face the difficult situations and this might be a strategy that I will have to use in the future. One needs to recharge their positivity batteries before facing the events or people that suck all the energy out of their systems. I will start with my children... they are my saving grace as they say but most importantly my reason for sticking with this cleansing process. 

21 Days ... Day 6

Thinking of something positive today was especially hard. A month ago, I received a nasty email from an anonymous student who had hacked into his classmate's account. The email contained explicit words which were disgusting and hurtful. The school tried to find out who it was but they reached a dead end and there is no way forward unless they involved the police with a court order. It is considered sexual harassment and therefore criminal. 

All I wanted was for the student to be caught, to get answers and to take this as a teaching opportunity and guide him or her. If the student was not caught, s/he might do it again. But alas... nothing has happened since and despite the fact the Head was supportive and apologetic, I was left feeling shoved aside and that such an incident is no longer important. 

The guillotine of threats and life lessons should have come down on that particular grade. In my view, to get answered, the whole grade should have been gathered together and told it was a serious issue and that the school is thinking of calling the police in the hopes of fishing out the culprit who just needs guidance that this kind of act is unacceptable. 

Ironically, yesterday the whole grade was gathered to talk about little graffitis that have been written and sprayed on the walls around the campus and in the bathrooms. They were told that it was a serious matter and that it will not be taken lightly. So here I was standing listening to what was being said to these students and wondering if the value of my feelings as a person as well as being part of the school community was less than the value of the school walls.  

So what positive thing do I get from this? I am not sure... I keep struggling to get something out... 

Same day... but a little later....my son came home sad and he was acting strange,  being very uncooperative. I asked him if anything had happened at school. He said that during his PE lesson they had to pick a partner but his friend changed his mind last minute and went with someone else. So Jad felt left out and abandoned. We chatted a bit more and then I asked him if there was anything positive he could get out of this but he did not know WHAT WAS SO POSITIVE ABOUT THAT? He is only 8 so I did not pressure him into thinking. I thought if this is the beginning of a good lesson in life then I should demonstrate how we should do it. The two positives that I got out of HIS experience were; since he knows how it feels to be abandoned like that, that he would never do it to someone else and also the fact that he got to know the other student he had to partner with more. 

Now to get back to MY day.... What positive lesson should I get out of this? Any suggestions?

Reflection: 

Looking for positives every single day is not as easy as I thought. I am still struggling to find one positive about what had happened this morning. Sometimes one cannot think of a positive... cannot turn a negative into a positive... 

21 Days.... 5 in 1

For five days, I have not written but believe it or not I have not forgotten about the 21 Days of positive cleansing. Even though I have not written anything during those days, I thought of one or two positives before my eyes succumbed to the exhaustion of the day. 

I am placing all the positives of the fives days that I missed in one post so here it goes.

1. We have finally received our shipment from Thailand and despite the fact that my husband is unable to lend a hand at all, due to his back surgery four weeks ago, and I feel exhausted putting everything in its place, I am blessed that we finally have a home to think of. And even though we will be asked to move house again in 8 months time, we can make the best out of these days and enjoy the home that is slowly coming together. 

I was so grateful to the movers who helped open the boxes and and get rid of the rubbish. They were so efficient and so wonderful that I wrote an email to their boss thanking them for a job well done.

2. On Friday, the kids had a halloween even in our compound along with an adult BBQ. I knew that I would have so much to do as the next day was my son's 8th snake themed birthday. I had to prepare something for BBQing and a side dish and then my girl's costume, my husband made my son's, then I had to prepare cookies for the treats when they come trick or treating, then blow the balloons for the birthday and make the snacks, then decorate the snake cake... and and and... AAAHHHHH... but I was so thankful that I was able to have a plan B, pizza, when my original plan of baking sausages wrapped in snake like dough were burned. Thank goodness for take aways and the flexibility of children. It was great watching them devour every last morsel of crumbs. 

3. I received two beautiful emails from my mom and dad who showered me with words of assurance and encouragement. Their words enveloped me, squeezed me hard and refilled my depleting positive energy. Even though we are miles apart and I only want to feel their arms around me, their emails are something that I can keep and re-read many times when I need to replenish my spirits again.

4. I am thankful that I reconnected with many old friends on my blog as well as from my childhood school. I feel supported and loved by them. I am confident to say that distance and lack of physical proximity does not in any way diminish the feeling of friendship one builds through labyrinth of the net. 

5. Even though I have been receiving some strong emails from one family about their son and they seem like they are out to nail me on something. The positive side of this is that it makes me a better teacher. I am pushing myself to work harder to prove that I am actually a good teacher and that my priority is their son. Rapport and trust will take time but I am working hard to build that.

Reflection:

It was a manic and busy few days but I managed to get through it. My mother advised me to slowly unpack our life in Thailand one box at a time and this is what I am planning to do for the rest of my 21 days... I will take baby steps every day looking at the positive side of anything negative that comes my way. I want to be a positivity Jedi being a master of The Force, the master of one... Me. I cannot force people or life to be positive towards me but I can be the one changing what is being catapulted towards me.

AND....Even though negative thoughts keep clouding my mind, I am making it a point not to dwell on them. Yeah, negative things are spewed, sent and shared but I will not let it deter me from my 21 days.

21 Days... Day 1

21 days is always the number that you are given to do any kind of cleansing or detox plan. I was asked to do a 21 day of cleansing after I received my REIKI initiation. And therefore, 21 days, of searching for the positives, it is.

My fingers are stalling and I am taking a break between every few words that I write. I am trying to think of a positive thing that happened to me today or a piece of good news that I read online.... the Polio epidemic spreading in Syria was not one of them.

I am straining my memory trying to think of it... that one special thing that brought a smile to my face. My fingers are tapping nervously on the keys as I do not want to be a failure in the simplest of tasks. 

Then.... Light bulb (in Despicable Me's Gru voice)

I have managed to think of three that made me feel supported and appreciated today;

1. I received support from my colleagues about an email that I wished to send a parent. 

2. I was given sweets for Halloween by another colleague of mine and that spiked my sugar level up making me feel giggly
3. I finished my batik piece with the support of a great African Canadian artist (pictured above... it is above my family, Jad, Mina, Aaron and I... can you figure it out?)

There I have done it!

Reflection:
I must say that focusing on something positive is a little difficult at the beginning when all you can see in front of you is just pages upon pages of a morbid book by Dostoyevsky.   But once you start jogging your memory of the events of the day, one memory pulls the next. 

I have a feeling that right after I made a conscious decision to focus on the positives, I began seeing glimmers of it splattered here and there. Maybe I was blind to it that I did not give myself a chance to perceive it. I need to be more pro-active when it comes to running my life and not go through the days just to end them, go to sleep and start again the next day. I must admit, it takes hard work. 

There...

There... I have written a word... and now a few more... it might be easier than I thought it would be; returning to my blog to vent. I have not been here in a long time. I have not brought myself to write about what has been going through my mind, my heart or my life for the past year. I have not found the courage or the motivation to come back. 

I have not wanted to spread the negativity, the sadness and the pain. But, since the negativity has been spreading through my veins seeping into the tiny microscopic particles in the air that surrounds my family, I have decided that I needed to spill the black soot onto the keys in the hopes of clearing some of it from my system, desperately trying to lighten the dark shade that engulfs me hiding the light that I see in the distance. 

My head is so disheveled that I cannot keep my thoughts straight and do not know where to begin.  I want to vent my feelings but do not want to share the exact events as some are private. I have moved... to Dar es Salaam in Tanzania... I have been here for three months already in an empty house without our belongings. A truck strike has prevented us from being reunited...I feel lost without something familiar that reminds me of some good times we have had. I need to be reconnected to a happy time. 

I know that there are so many people out there who have it so much worse than I and I ache for them too. This is part of it as well... I keep reading negative news from my parents' home countries, innocent people die along with their innocence, their lands and life taken, children abducted and abused, animals disrespected and tested on. I cannot seem to find one seed of hope for humanity. I want to read one piece of news that plants life into my core for it to grow and cast a bright light on the shadow that has occupied the space. I NEED that... just one piece of good news to reinstall the smile that has been deleted from my face's memory. 

I have been a positive person for a big part of my life and therefore I am not sure where this negative cycle has come from and how I got sucked into it. I have no idea how to get out of this disastrous twister, which  keeps attracting more debris and broken glass that cut and hurt. 

I need to pull my positive self out of this deep abyss and save it from this detrimental-out-of-control chaos that has consumed it. I have to go back and start that Happiness blog again to look at anything positive that happened during the day. I need to take action as there is no one who can help me as much as I can help myself. 

I knew writing this down would help me see a clearer picture of what my responsibilities are as an in control human being.... I will start tomorrow.

Pictures from India

Two weeks ago I came back from a trip to Sri-Lanka and India with my sister and took hundreds of pictures of the beautiful places we visited. WE visited the olden Triangle in India.; Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. They are referred to as the Golden Triangle because they are approximately the same distance from each other and form a triangular shape on a map.

The Amber Fort

 The architecture of the places in India was breathtaking and I every time we visited another  kept wondering, "How in the world did they build such magnificent structures with limited technology?" Hundreds of laborers were used to put together the jigsaw puzzle of building blocks without a cementing factor to glue them together. They relied on the weight and pressure of one block on top of the other to hold them in place and these structures survived hundreds of years against the forces of nature.

Jama Masjed

 The Art on the walls, which were painted in natural colors and filled with precious and semi precious stones,  must have taken them years to complete as they were intricate and life looking. Each wall was a masterpiece in its own right. Each carved marble was spectacular as if no man has touched it. If they had made one mistake, they had to throw the slab away and start over. 

Th silver looking pieces are actual mirrors and is was cad the Mirror Palace at the Amber Fort.

The marble designs at the Taj Mahal which was ordered to be built by Shah Jahan for his deceased wife, Mumtaz Mahal.

The was Shah Jahan's "prison" at the Red Fort

Each flower animal or bird design was a specialty of one family and the secrets of how the are made were never shared with anyone else except the sons for fear that the girls could divulge this mystery to her husband's family when she gets married. These families exist to this day and their art has passed from father to son over hundreds of years.

Qutub Minar

Oh the number of stories we heard about the beautiful historical sites. Oh the questions these triggered in my head on how humanity has evolved and how many of us, in many ways, are leading a much more fulfilling life.

The Taj Mahal

The treatment of women and how she was seen as a , baby factory, caregiver and pleasure object puzzled me. Each of the maharajas, kings or princes had several wives and hundreds of concubines to keep them busy and happy and since I was not born during that time,  could not fathom how first, men had time for all these women and second, how the woman accepted such treatment.

Another being how poor people were expected to build these majestic structures and then, at the end of the day, go home to their humble abodes and yet, still be loyal to the royal family after having had seen such luxury and over spending on decorations. 

The Amber Fort

The Red Fort

The Red Fort

 Still those questions did not dampen my sense of awe and fascination. 

Qutub Minar

  I hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Lessons From India

I have grown so used to having whatever I wanted, desired or needed at my arm's reach. I am surrounded by appliances, telephones, computers and vehicles that make my life all the more easy. I am never left wanting since I can afford all the necessities and some. Every morning, I brush my teeth and drink water never wondering what it would be like without faucets or clean water. Not everyday do I think about the people collecting the garbage that I leave outside my gate; as it conveniently disappears the next morning.  I step into my parked car and drive to wherever I needed to go without a second thought of those who need to power their legs to get to places or share one vehicle with 20 or 30 others. I enter a store and find all sorts of goodies to buy without wondering which hand picked or made them. I work at a school where its students are from privileged families not having to be reminded of tattered clothes, battered feet and shattered dreams. 

And yet, I was never sheltered as a child and did not live in total darkness. I was always reminded that I was lucky to have been born into a family that is well educated and affluent as there were so many children who were less fortunate. Despite that, it is not something I think of everyday as life is a whirlwind that takes over my thoughts. 

 OR maybe I just don't because it make me feel a little guilty or ashamed that I have so much and still find something to be grumpy about, and they have so little and still manage to smile every day.

I was reminded of the harshness of life on a trip that I went on with my sister this month. It was an eye-opening bonding experience through parts of Sri Lanka and India. We found the people to be pleasant and friendly despite what I would call a "tough" life. To them, their lifestyle might not be tough and they are probably thankful that they are better off than many of the other people they are surrounded by. To me, however, it opened my eyes to the wonderful life that my children and I lead and how "sheltered" we are from the harshness of their lives. 

Throughout the journey, I silently thanked the universe and my lucky stars for every little blessing I had in life. With every step I took through the streets of India, I thought of the millions of people who walked the same path barefoot and hungry. With every purchase I made, I wondered if the Indian Rupees I used might have alleviated a nagging need a family there had.

India, and its people, have taught me that:

• I am blessed with a healthy family and a roof above my head and therefore should smile more often
• my past experiences should never overshadow my future but teach me lessons
• unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness are non-discriminatory
• I should welcome everyone into my life as I will learn something valuable
• every moment in life counts as I might never regain it
• I should appreciate the little things as they are just as important as the big ones
• I must never take for granted the unskilled hands that sustain me
• to never be timorous or intimidated by people who are different in any way 

Thank you India!

Goals/Dreams/Aspirations

I am taking an online course on Life Coaching. A pretty interesting course which prepares me for dealing with others; helping them face their challenges and achieve set goals. As part of the course, I need to first deal with my challenges, goals and fears... easy peasy right? Not really... I have to face all that is stopping me from getting what I want before I can help anyone else. I do not wish to be a hypocrite and convince my "client", "student" or anyone, that this path, strategy or plan will work if they followed these steps, when I have not tried or followed them myself.

So....

I have been working through many issues, setting plans and steps to achieve goals....

The last lesson's assignment asked me to set up a board with pictures of anything that I would like to do in the future. I had so many on my mind. So many tasks that I wanted to dive in and explore. So many skills I wanted to learn such as photography, baking and decorating cakes and painting. There were so many activities that I constantly dream of doing such as traveling to as many countries as I can before I am transported to a different realm, teaching refugees and the less fortunate, becoming more active and take singing and dancing lessons. 

BUT there were way too many to add to my board that I had to focus on a few. I must achieve them first and then explore others. In no way will I forget all the others but for now, I will focus on the above shown goals and then go from there. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend and therefore, at the end of the day, I have responsibilities to attend to as well.

I keep reminding myself that...

Life can take us places we have never dreamed of if only we allowed it to. Most of the time it is us who stop in our way. Our minds make up these obstacles painting them in different colors camouflaging them, shading our vision, fogging our clear path. 

 

I sometimes feel that I am in limbo mode not knowing exactly where I am headed.... 

So I continuously say to myself, in the efforts of convincing my mind that my plan is achievable, whitewashing the negative voices that overshadow my confidence...

"Just go with the flow. Accept what the Universe has in store for you. Trust that all will be well and that everything around you will conspire to make sure you achieve those goals. Just take a shot at it  and try your best to fulfill them. You are worth it."

And to think I have time!

Picture: http://fab.com/inspiration/jumbled-wall-clock

I have been running around like a headless chicken  that still digs up dirt in search of worms that it cannot see. This is not a time when I should be doing extra work is it? I mean in two and a half months' time I will be shipping our possessions to a different country and all I should be thinking of is getting rid of stuff I have not used in years and donating others.

I thought I was quite the organizer; planning which section of the house I will be tackling and on which weekend. I have finished the kids clothes which I will be taking back to Jordan with me for the Syrian Refugees, I have donated their unused toys to a local slum nursery and the books to Mina's elementary school. I have tackled the messy storage room and the kitchen, placing all the items we do not need by our gate because within seconds they disappear. (I love how our unwanted stuff can be used by others).

I panic with every passing weekend. I stress out when anyone asks me to do one thing that I thought I had already done and dusted some time ago. I freak out when I think of the other rooms and the items on my list that I need to check off.

AND YET.... 

I continue to make more work for myself. I find new things to try. New recipes to look up and follow. Like baking cakes or cupcakes that I have never done before and then promising to try out some more as a challenge. I register to take some online courses which demand some work and time to read. I go shopping for gifts for the family..... etc.

Hold on a minute? 

Didn't I say I was stressed out and do not need more stuff on my ever spinning plate? Why do I do this to myself? Is this a coping mechanism to keep my mind off it all? 

Maybe!

Maybe, I am just creating jobs for myself because I have a hard time accepting leaving this place. I will miss it... I will miss the easiness of the people here... my friends... my colleagues... I keep thinking that I don't have time.... What I truly need is time to stop for a second and give me a breather...

Ever since October of last year, things have been spinning crazily but never out of control. It is like Speedy Gonzales had given up on the pace my life was going and decided to take over the controls placing all the buttons on high speed as that is the momentum he likes best. I keep up but boy do I leave his spinning workshop exhausted, run down and out of breath.

He might be wearing ear muffs as he definitely does not listen to my ever whining nerves.

I miss the feeling of elation. I miss that sense of excitement when something I have always wanted to do and experience meets me. I miss that sense of adventure that send happy fluttering jitters up and down my spine and pulls on my heart strings. For now, I feel that LIFE has woken up and has hit me in the face.

But I am doing something about it soon. I have decided to run away in April.

I am taking a break with my sister. We are going on a sister- bonding trip to Sri-lanka and India and I am hoping that it would be a break despite having to visit so many places in a short time... I know that the hand of Speedy never tires, but at least my mind would be off the move and onto new experiences, smells, tastes, sights and above all my relationship with my sister.

After the break, I will be back in Speedy Land trying to match his crazy pace and maybe even work something out together.

Teaching Our Sons

 Picture: http://huo7.blogspot.com/2011/11/huo7-students-workshops-9-womens-rights.html

Dear Readers,

I am having a  hard time understanding many of the actions of men around the world especially with regards to how they treat women. The newspapers are filled with how men are raping, sexually harassing, torturing and even murdering women and girls in many countries around the world. I have read news stories that left me shuddering in disgust fearing for the lives of those precious beings, my gender sisters. I have written about this many times before, Females as Targets, but cannot seem to get over this whole idea.

I have always wondered what these brutal ignorant men thought or did if someone else, other than themselves, did the same thing to their mothers, sisters, cousins or daughters? What goes through their heads when they treat people so horribly? Do they feel any remorse or guilt after they commit their atrocious crimes against humanity or do they feel righteous and proud of their actions?

Then I wonder how they were raised as young easily moldable boys. I wonder who had the biggest impact on their lives; their mothers, their fathers, uncles or religious figures? Would their mothers condemn such criminal, cowardly, dehumanizing acts that their sons had committed against other peoples' daughters? Or do they fear their sons' 'Grapes of Wrath' that they allow this to happen? Do they turn a blind eye or pretend to ignore it as if it was not happening? Do they teach them to respect females from a younger age or just live and let live accepting their sons learning from other manipulative masochistic teachers? Do they teach them to follow preachers who falsify religion and hide in the shade of its broken columns or do they try to remove the toxic white wash layer that those preachers coat the young minds with?

No matter how a community views its other 50%, we, the women need to influence the minds of their boys bringing them up to challenge the sick minds of their male ancestors. We, as mothers, grandmothers and teachers have a great impact on the minds of the little ones. If we believed that we deserve such a treatment, then we will grow up to teach that crazy idea to our children. If we thought that we have the right to live as any other human being on this earth no matter what our gender was, then we will portray that to our children who would grow up to defend this gender. if we believed that it is the right of our fathers, brothers and husbands to control us and our every decision and action, then we will transfer that sick mentality to our boys and girls. We need to start with ourselves... change the image and views we have in our heads of ourselves in order to make a change and difference in our children's' lives.

It is a hard job to do and I am in no way underestimating the difficulty of it, but something has to happen. I am starting with my son as my mother started before me and my grandmother before her. A change is a must... we need to bring up our sons to respect us and our gender. 

I found the below TED talk really interesting. 

Please watch and let me know your thoughts.... I am so fed up with what is going on in the world and am desperate for a solution or a sliver of hope that things will change in the Developing Countries.

This says it all!

This Life

Picture from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lifetitle.jpg

It has been ages since I last visited any of my blogger friends or written a post. I never thought that within a few months my life would change drastically and so many things could happen all at once. I never knew how stressful life could become in a matter of days and how long it could last for.  However, I also never knew how much hurt and stress a person can handle, carry and experience and yet continue to wake up the next morning knowing full well that it would be a repeat of the day before.

Within a few months, I had resigned from my job, searched for another, completed all necessary paper work, missed a deadline for a job fair, paid an enormous amount of money for tickets to London to join another fair, gained weight, lost interest in exercise, heard about my son being bullied at school, received an email that informed us the very sad news that my husband's mother had a stroke, flew to Canada two days later, watched her pass on, watched the pain and tears in her loved ones' eyes, had little time to prepare for her memorial, worried about my lovely father-in-law, got little sleep, my husband got sick and his middle ears bled into his sinuses which prevented him from hearing well, my son got sick and after that my daughter after we returned to Bangkok and then to top it all off we had interviews several different schools to find a job.

I never knew that one could take so much stress and continue to smile to her children, friends and interviewers. I never knew that even amongst the clouds there is always a silver lining. I heard of that phrase but never actually experienced first hand.

During that time, my husband and I kept repeating the phrase "When it rains, it pours" over and over again and the only thing we could do was smile about it.The last few months gave me hope that no matter how many obstacles we might face on the way, there is always an ounce or two of energy left to keep us on our feet. It showed us that we can actually do this.... LIFE that is. We can look for those silver linings and actually make LIFE work for us. Focusing on the positives brought good things our way.

Despite all the above, we spent time with family and friends and our relationships were cemented, our kids got to spend time playing in the snow (it was Mina's first time), my father-in law told us about the many projects he had in mind, my son impressed us all by giving a speech during the memorial, my husband and I nailed four job offers in four different schools, we chose a job in Tanzania which we are excited about and we discovered how genuine and supportive family, friends and colleagues could be.

No matter what the universe throws at us, we should always remember that there is a reason for that. It is trying to teach us lessons. It is trying to helps us grow strong and know our own strength. It is trying to prove to us that there is so much more to us than what we or others might think we can do or take on.

I have certainly grown and am ready for more of what this life can offer.