Saturday, May 28, 2011

Recovery and Self-Discovery

 Wow! There is something about running late at night, while drizzling raindrops hit your face, and dancing moon-lit beams guide your way, no one on the streets except scattered car lights and the wonderful smiles of the security guards... this makes me want to run everyday and pay more attention to the calling of my body, mind and soul.
I ran a few kilometers yesterday after I had decided to change my life around a little.... think of me and start paying attention to what I needed to stay healthy and sane. No more will I be a hypocrite who advises women to take time off and then forgets that she needs to do that daily.... and not every once in a while!  
So yesterday, I began the road to recovery and self- discovery. I stopped to take a few breaths and just relax, closed my eyes and meditated for a few minutes, drank tea, ran in the rain at night, then massaged myself with lotion and sprayed some Lilly of the Valley essence on my neck.
It was invigorating... stimulating... freeing. At the end of the day I felt that my body, mind and soul needed that and was asking me what I had been waiting for all this time.... Why hadn't I done that in a long time?
At night and while I lay in bed I thought of what tasks I used to think I was incapable of doing and decided to take them on. I CAN do it if I wanted to... they may take effort and hard work on my part but I am confident that I can do them. I thought of the fact that nothing can stand in my way, if I set my mind to it. 
I thought of how lucky some people are that I am in their life when before I used to only believe that I was the lucky one who had them in mine. 
I thought of how I should believe;
1. my father when he says that he is very proud of me and the woman I have become... that he is not just saying that because he is my father. 
2. my mother when she writes that I am a great mother and achiever... that she is not just writing that because she is my mother.
3. my husband when he declares that I am beautiful and all that he wants... that he is not just declaring that because I am his wife, take care of things and am the mother of his children. 
4. my friends when they voice that I am a loyal and thoughtful friend... that they are not just voicing that because they need companionship.
5. my colleagues when they mention that I am 'the bees knees' and very good at what I do... that they are not just mentioning that because they need assistance with a student or lesson. 
I kind of lost myself for a while... a few months... a year... I was buried under so much rubble, no self-confidence, no self-worth... there was no one out there who could save me from this... No matter what they did or said to boost my moral, I had to be the one to do it. I had to be the one who would tell myself... ENOUGH... KHALAS... pick yourself up and start taking care of your holistic self.
I am happy that I took on blogging because with the help of my loved ones, friends and my wonderful blogger friends, I was able to see that what I was doing was actually hurting me...  that I was the one who needed to snap out of it and do something about it no matter how hard it might be. 
My principles never changed.... Everything I write about is what I truly believe in... Everything on this blog is a true reflection of my beliefs, my values and my principles... What I call, my own religion.... What I stand for.... What I live by.... 
BUT
What I needed to do was be more caring towards myself and I have taken the first step on my road to recovery and self-discovery... I deserve it! I am worth it!

6 comments:

Jan said...

I'm so glad to hear you are on the road to recovery and self discovery. So glad you are going to start taking care of you. So glad you are discovering these truths about yourself that other people speak. Believe and no matter what comes, keep believing in the gift that you are. x

Sree said...

love your blog:)
regards
sree

Tabouleh said...

Jan what an encouraging supportive comment... thank you! I much appreciated your comments over the past months... you and a few other blogger friends have been simply wonderful.

Hi Sree.... thank you for dropping by and taking the time to read my blog...your three little words mean so much to me and it feels good to hear them!
Thank you!

Birdie said...

Good. Very, very good.

Namaste.

Lilith said...

This all sounds wonderful. Good on ya woman. Take care.

Tabouleh said...

Thank you both for your support... it feels good thinking of myself and doing these little things to feel good again... I will continue to do so... never again will I lose the light!