The Feeling of Emptiness

Picture: http://www.oknation.net/blog/wunwarinya07/2009/12/08/entry-1

I am sure I am not alone when I say that sometimes I feel that the world has turned against me ... or  alone in just the feeling that I want to hide under the table or in a tree for a few hours just to clear my head or get away from the constant noise or constant vie for my attention be it from my students, own children, husband or maybe even myself.

I remember, years ago, reading this Malawian story about a tree that swallowed two little boys, kept them in her trunk and no one knew where they were for a day or two, and I thought to myself then, wouldn't it be nice to be embraced by a tree? Now how peaceful would that be? I did not have the number of responsibilities that I have 9 years later and so now the question has change to...wouldn't it be nice to disappear for a day into that same tree?

I wonder how many women go through that sometimes. How many women are truly happy with the way their life turned out? Truly in sinc with life? How many women are happy in their marriages? How many women just put on their mask everyday and walk through their daily routines like a machine?

And you know what? It is ok... totally normal for anyone to feel like that. It is not something to feel ashamed of... we are hormonal creatures affected by the change in our bodies... on top of having to juggle so many jobs.

How many women actually take a break and treat themselves? How many women go on a trip with their girlfriends and not worry about their husbands, children, fathers or mothers, willa il khaddameh?

SO now that we have established that we have the right to feel down once in a while, we too have the right to have some time to ourselves.. we have the right to feel good... it is not the end of the world if we left the dishes undone for a day, or did not cook a meal for our family for one day, or maybe even two days in a row. There are so many restaurants out there that can deliver... our husbands or even children can cook for one day if we could not afford to go out. It is not the end of the world if we want to close the door and spend some time in our rooms alone with no interruptions... It is all right to take a break. We need time to recharge, just like everyone else does. 

We women, mothers, daughters and wives, have loads upon loads of responsibilities towards our nuclear and extended families. We juggle different jobs and wear different hats. We are expected to conform to the society's traditions and values. We are expected to be prim and proper. We are expected to take care of the parents, the younger sisters, the brothers, the children, the husbands, the grandparents, the parents in law... and then after all this, we are expected to look good for our husbands and take care of our hair, clothes and looks. But can't we be taken care of as well? Can't we be pampered and appreciated for what we do?

The blame also lies upon us girls! Why can't we look at ourselves and see who we truly are? We are AMAZING beings. No one can take the burden we take. We are strong, loving, warm, creative, impressive, professional beings. We can be whom we want to be and be bloody GOOD at it. We are unique beings. We are women and Ilhamdullillah for that!!!

We should take matters into our own hands and demand that alone time or girl time. We should take charge of ourselves and tell our husbands or children that we need our own time and that they should take care of themselves for a few hours. We should not expect our partners or caregivers to GIVE us that time... We should be the ones to take it. We deserve that time but we should also be responsible for ourselves and take charge!

Here is a poem that I found beautiful and inspiring:

Mind is the master power that molds and makes,
And we are Mind, and evermore we take
The tool of thought, and shaping what we will,
Bring forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills,
We think in secret, and it comes to pass -
Our world is but our looking glass.
-- James Allen