The Inner Volcano

                                                                    Erta Ale, Ethiopia

    Sipping my coffee, I thoughtfully hovered the tips of my fingers over the keyboard keys trying to put into words how I felt about this year. Some people just mention the numbers "2020" and everyone can visualize an errupting volcanoe transpiring both externally and internally. I use such an analogy because the magnificence of a volcano never dissipates no matter how desructive it was. No matter how tough a situation was or how erruptive, we never stop wondering how we survived it. We never cease to venerate the magnitude of any calamity. 

    I remember witnessing Erta Ale, the active volacano in the Danakil Dessert with my sister in 2016. I remember feeling a sense of awe at what I was observing.  I distincly remember being hit with a veil of sulphuric smoke that engulfed me, blinded my tearful eyes and made it hard to take long relaxing breaths. My breaths were shallow, labored and just enough to keep me going. Knowing that it was only for a short time, I had to remind myself to keep my head down, peeking just to get a glimpse of the magnificence that I was experiencing. I had to urge my legs to keep shuffling forward, to keep moving forward. The terrain was so jagged, uneven and harsh. It was so dark and the only light that we had was eluminating from our small head lights and the flares of the volcano.

THAT was precicely how I felt from the very start of this year; January 2nd to be more exact. From then on, Mother Nature poured its wrath on me; earthquakes shook my core, avalanches dumped utter chaos on my head and floods of tears gushed from my eyes obscuring my vision. I never thought that one could experience all of these Natural Disasters simultaneously and live to tell the tale. I never imagined that I had the strength or the ability to keep my head above the murky waters and mechanically take in damp breaths. But I had and I did. 

One never imagines the strength that they have in their nucleus until they are hit with a barrage of experiences that test it. There is something instinctual that urges one to continue fighting; to continue pushing through. I am not sure if it was the sense of responsibility toward my family, my pets or my job, that kept me going. What I do know, is that despite desiring a break in the clouds, I was capable of handling it all and so are you. Trust yourself, trust your strength.