Sometimes taking a step away from it all gives one a clearer picture of where they are headed or where they want to go; Like murky water when the muddy particles settle making it more transparent and limpid.
A few weeks ago, I took a few steps back to look at my life, the murky water, before and after having children. I reminisced past years; thinking of situations that I could have dealt with differently. I took a step back and accessed incidents that NOW I would have had another reaction to. I looked at times where I would over react or the words would pour out of my mouth without thinking of them or their consequences.... I wonder sometimes if it is my age, 41, that is bringing all this thinking.
I started this journey that I have wanted to embark on for sometime but never had the courage to do so. I knew it would involve time and effort... that it would take confidence to criticize, understand and face my faults but I never took many steps forward before. I would take a few and then stop half way; forgetting what I had promised myself to do or not do.
However, this time is different. I have made a conscious decision to become a better person in every way. I have decided that despite being a not so bad person to begin with that there was always room for improvement. If I wanted to do something, I must do it well and there is no use advising my kids to do so, if I did not follow through and model that… and therefore, I have my children to thank for giving me a big push forward on this.... as I want to be a good model for them.
Although it is hard to admit to myself and on this blog, here are the areas I need to improve on;
1. Develop my confidence and accept compliments by ceasing to put myself down.
2. To face my fear of falling, failing, making mistakes and appearing a fool.
3. Be kinder to people/creatures and show it in everyway.
4. Hold my tongue until I have something good to say in any situation that demanded my voice.
5. If I chose to ignore something negative, then I should totally ignore it; not voice it or vent about it.
6. When tackling any project, to do it to the best of my ability and not give up half way when the pressure builds up.
7. If I felt stressed out and frustrated, to paint or do something that I enjoyed.
8. To face my insecurities and believe that I am worth people getting to know me.
9. To trust the people closest to me, believing their words and that they care for me.
10. To believe that I am worthy of doing what I enjoy doing without feeling guilty about it.