Sunday, February 16, 2014

Emotional Triggers



I am becoming an emotional wreck at 41, crying every time I see, hear or read of anyone's pain. I live in Africa and I am from the Middle East, so being a witness to pain is not something new to me. I see it everywhere I go but I have not grown a thick skin to protect me from the emotions that come with it. 

Having children does not help the situation either as now every feeling is more intense and dramatic than when I was in my twenties. I picture my children in similar situations and I cannot help but cry burning tears for those who suffer in this world. I was told a few times that I should not be too idealistic wanting the whole world to be a better place for everyone... being certain that it can be that way; that we can all live equally and lovingly forgetting the labels that place boundaries between us and our feelings towards one another.


I guess it does not help that we have Internet now. Pictures and videos are uploaded and plastered everywhere. Pictures are emotional triggers for me.  They open my heart's flood gates. They bring forth a slew of emotions that flow so fluidly through every part of my body especially my eyes. They capture the essence of a moment held in time. I take one glimpse at any picture that portrays one of the arrays of emotions and my heart strings get instantly pulled at. They either bring tears of sadness or gently pull my lips to either side of my face. 

If the picture is of a painful event, it activates this deep internal desire to hold the person, child or animal close to me, wanting to make their hurt disappear. My eyes start to well up and the only way to release the tension in my eyes and heart is by crying. And even though I know that it is good for my children to see their mother emotional over Earth's inhabitants, they also need to see her strong and able to take it... but my emotions are difficult to control....

I am able to control anger, frustration, fear and disappointment and someday these will be conquered, I am promising myself that. However, I am finding it difficult to control compassion allowing it to consume me bringing tears to my eyes every time I see or hear of suffering.

I feel silly bursting into tears like that. I feel awkward in the aftermath. I make people feel uncomfortable or apologetic for having such an effect on me and I certainly do not want that. I do not know what to do about it...

Any suggestions dear readers?




3 comments:

Tammy Roelse said...

You can not help to be the person that you are. You are a person that is deeply empathetic and compassionate. As you know that many of your triggers come from the internet, I would suggest logging off and only being online in your alone time. That way you can have whatever reaction you want without having to feel embarrassed or harassed by the people around you. Trust me, enough goes on in this world that your children will still get to see your compassionate side, without seeing your response to every picture on facebook.

Birdie said...

Have you read anything on the Highly Sensitive Person. Though it has not helped me be any less sensitive it has help me understand more about myself.
And I understand Lana. I can't watch the news or read the newspaper. It feels like my soul is being ripped out. It hurts me so much to see the pain we cause one another. I don't understand why God has allowed us to be so incredibly horrible to each other. I was going to say the crimes that bother me the most but I can't even write them without causing anxiety within myself.

Lana, I have something I would like to send you. I know some people don't like to give out their addresses and that is fine but if you feel comfortable send me an e mail and I will get something to you. It is just a little something that will make your heart a little more glad. bigfouroh at hotmail . com

Tabouleh said...

Thank you both of you... Tammy and Birdie...I appreciate your kind and thoughtful words... as well as advice..
Barbara... can you believe that I was going to ask you the same thing... for your address that is... I would like your address too as I too would like to send you something... I still have to make it though...
I will write you an email tomorrow... I do miss you and chatting to you...