Expectations? There should be none..... Or that is what I hope since expectations, throughout my life, have brought me nothing but disappointment. Expecting certain outcomes, certain behaviors and feelings or certain events to occur have never transpired and my expected reactions have never been gratified. It is like going to your favorite ice-cream shop only to find that they are out of your favorite flavor. Or signing up for a course expecting it to provide you with enlightenment, only to come out with less understanding than you had before. And that my friends, only left me feeling discouraged, empty and just flat.
As the saying goes, "Expectations are premeditated resentment." Knowing this, though, didn't stop me from continuing the battle and expecting what should not be expected. I expected this and that and the other. Sometimes it worked, which got me expecting even more. Much like gambling where winning is just around the corner. I also thought that excitement is the twin sister of expectations and if I ever parted ways with the latter, only a sense of blah! would remain.
But alas, I am approaching 50 now and times have changed. I am finding out that I cannot keep purposefully fizzling out and breaking my heart. I cannot continue shoving sadness down my own throat no matter how many spoons full of sugar I took. Disappointment will always taste bitter.
My attitude towards expecting things have changed and after much deliberation and self- help books, I have decided to part ways with Expectations. However, similar to a bad break up, I find myself ebbing and flowing on an endless beach from time to time; still holding on to wisps of hope that one or two of my expectations may transpire. But I know that the fork in the path is fast approaching and I must take the left one.
The chains that bind me will soon loosen and release me. I just do not want the sense of excitement to depart with it. I am hopeful.
